Running Up That Hill
by DarkJediJade
Summary: Short song fic. Luke and Mara's thoughts about each other during the Thrawn Trilogy


A/N: First try at a song fic. Bear with me. I was listening to the Placebo version of this song (I'm aware the original is by Kate Bush), and the idea for this popped into my head. Alternating perspectives for Luke and Mara. Takes place during the Thrawn Trilogy. Lyrics and characters copyright to respective owners. I'm just playing :)

_It doesn't hurt me._

_You wanna feel how it feels?_

_You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?_

_You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?_

_You be running up that hill_

_You and me be running up that hill_

I should of killed him when I had the chance. A chance to end this pain and avenge my loss. Avenge the galaxy for this loss. He thinks he can make it better. He can't. We're forced together, and it hurts me to matter how much I tell him I'm fine. That I need him kills me. He shouldn't care. I've given him no reason to. I've told him I will kill him when this is over, but he is unafraid. Does he wish to die? Are we so unalike in the end?

_And if I only could,_

_Make a deal with God,_

_And get him to swap our places,_

_Be running up that road,_

_Be running up that hill,_

_Be running up that building._

_If I only could, oh..._

I want so much to take away her pain. She denies it, but I know she's hurting. I know I'm the cause of her pain. I wish it were me who was in pain. I hate seeing the deep sorrow in her eyes. She's spent years on the run from the place that was her home. That's my fault. Even knowing her desire to kill me I understand it. Yet I still feel protective of her. It's crazy. I should be running from her, but instead I find myself asking how I can help her. If only so I can get closer to her. There is something between us.

_You don't wanna hurt me,_

_But see how deep the bullet lies._

_Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder._

_There's a thunder in our hearts, baby._

I know he means well. I know he is not trying to intentionally hurt me. He is just too blinded by his own caring to see the pain his presence near me causes. I know the signs, though I've never felt it myself. The kriffing Jedi is falling for me when all I want is his death. To free my mind from the pain, the nightmares, the eternal command echoing through my mind. Like hot and cold colliding a storm is brewing between us. How can he be so blind to it?

_So much hate for the ones we love?_

_Tell me, we both matter, don't we?_

_You, be running up that hill_

_You and me, be running up that hill_

_You and me won't be unhappy._

She's had many a chance to kill me, but I'm still alive. She is fighting by my side. She claims to hate me, but deep inside I can tell something is shifting. She will deny it til the bitter end, but I know there is something between us building. A bond like none I've ever felt before. Even if it means my death at her hands I will follow her and stand by her to the bitter end… if only to make her happy.

_And if I only could,_

_Make a deal with God,_

_And get him to swap our places,_

_Be running up that road,_

_Be running up that hill,_

_Be running up that building,_

_If I only could, oh..._

I wish I could understand what it's like to love and care so freely. I've made allegiances, even a friend in Karrde… but Skywalker is so open and caring. Even to his worst enemy he shows compassion. I wonder how it would be like to live like that, unscarred by years of training to be a warrior. To be always alone, never caring or trusting. Trust and caring got people killed. Inspite of myself I wonder what it would be like to be Luke Skywalker.. hero of the Rebellion and surrounded by friends. Loving, caring and trusting. Not a bitter loner. If only for a day I wish I could feel that.

_C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,_

_Let me steal this moment from you now._

_C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,_

_Let's exchange the experience, oh...'_

I don't know why, but I give her my old lightsaber. It just feels right somehow. I want to offer her so much more, but I know she needs time. Finally free from the voices and nightmares that have haunted her, I know she needs time to heal. I hope we can stay close though. Build this spark between us into a fire. I want to get to know her more. To learn why the Force has brought these war hardened warriors together. I wish I could tell her everything that is on my mind and in my heart, but I know she will run if I do so now. With time though...

_And if I only could,_

_Make a deal with God,_

_And get him to swap our places,_

_Be running up that road,_

_Be running up that hill,_

_With no problems _

For the first time in my life I see a possible future for myself. I am not ready for that future Skywalker offers me just yet. I still need to lick my wounds and heal, both physically from the battle on Wayland and emotionally. My life since the Emperor's death has been a lie. I am free of that now. With the command cleansed from my mind goes the last vestiges of my past. With a new lightsaber it's time to look to what the future has in store. I know the path won't be short or easy, but what in life worth while ever is?

_'If I only could, be running up that hill._


End file.
